Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
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