First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
