dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
