areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
