So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
