this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
