I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
