Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I am one with the molecules
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You left your phone here
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