Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
