So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Bring me that man meat
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
