I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
