I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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