she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
