Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
