You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
