Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
