I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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