His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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