I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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