What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize