I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
