38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
