omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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