it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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