Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
