porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
