We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I don't deserve a penis
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
