Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
