please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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