we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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