I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
