i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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