He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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