i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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