you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
my shit smells like andre
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
