I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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