i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
