Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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