Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
