I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
