apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
