Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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