dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
