Don't make out with my wife yet
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
