Yo dont text me then not text me
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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