I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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