Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
