Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
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