its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
