hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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