where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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