Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
