I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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