I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
