I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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