Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
