Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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