Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
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