But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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