Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Watching her eat just hurts me
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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