Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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