thus making me awesome and them whores
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize