Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
