In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize