Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
