Don't you send me to vm
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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