mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
