I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
