I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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