she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
