porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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